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While you search the internet for that special lady…the one of your dreams…your soul-mate…the other half of yourself, you can do a lot of things right. Sadly, you can, also, do a lot of things wrong….things that will guarantee failure and a broken heart. Out in the “real” world, being aggressive, demanding perfection and even little white lies are all ingredients for success. However, those same qualities are killers when you are dating online and off line, too, for that matter.
There is a big difference between being aggressive or confident and being too aggressive, over-confident, or just plain sleazy or slimy from a woman’s point of view. If you push too hard for a face-to-face, you will come across as too aggressive…maybe even, scary. Try to remember that you are not trying to close a business deal and keep the relationship progressing at a slow but steady pace. Patience is the key.
Nobody is perfect. We are all flawed in some way or another…and that includes you, as well. If you expect the woman to be absolutely perfect and demand that, you will always be disappointed. Demanding perfectionism in your work is one thing. Demanding perfectionism from a friend, co-worker or a lady you are interested in is not just fine. It won’t happen. Expect flaws and just deal with them. Decide the ones you can live with and those you can’t.
Little white lies and false fronts won’t work. Be honest from the beginning of a relationship. Write your profile. Make it interesting but don’t make false statements. The truth will come out eventually anyway. If you say you are a lawyer who makes a million bucks a year and you are really an electrician that makes $75,000, you have set yourself up for failure.
Remember…don’t be too aggressive, expect to ever find perfection or put on a false front.
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Many of the same things work for online flirting that work for “brick and mortar” flirting and all relationships begin with successful flirting. Flirting is an art that requires oozing confidence without being OTT. If you go too far, she will label you “slimy” If you don’t go far enough, she will label you “wimpy”. So how do you achieve that point half way between slimy and wimpy and do it online without using eye contact or body language? All you have is a computer an internet connection and membership in an online dating site, right?
1. Have fun! Be light-hearted, funny and entertaining. Make her eager to talk to you again. Flirting is playful.
2. Ooze confidence. Successful flirts have a positive outlook on life. You need to transmit the “feel good” factor. An optimistic attitude attracts females like honey attracts flies.
3. 3. Compliment her…and do it often and sincerely. Nothing opens doors like making her feel good about herself. She will want to spend more time with you and if she pays you a compliment say “thank you”. Do Not be self depreciating.
4. Listen…listen….listen. Pay attention to what she says and ask appropriate questions. Get her to open up and talk about herself. Make her feel like she is interesting and that you are interested in her. Works wonders!
5. Don’t be rude. Flirting does not include being sexually explicit nor taking offence if the lady isn’t responding to you. If she isn’t interested, take the hint and move on to the next prospect. If you get a lot of rejections, you should probably consider a different approach.
6. Send an email after you chat. This ranks right up there with sending a thank you note for a gift and it is vital to successful flirting.
Don’t try to go too fast. Flirting is the first step to a successful relationship.
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Almost everything you read about online dating safety is directed at women but men need to be concerned as well. Perverts, sexual predators and weirdoes come in both sexes, all sizes, and all ages…as do, liars and cheaters. So men need to stay on guard, too.
It is common knowledge not to readily give out personal information to strangers. The reason for not doing so is as large as the number of strangers who want that information. If you come across a person who is giving out personal information and asking others to do the same, don’t do it. You don’t know what they want to use it for….and you had better believe they want to use it for something. That “something” will not be for your benefit. Men, also, need to guard their real names, addresses, phone numbers, and place of employment. Do not give that information to anyone online until you are confident that they are who they say they are.
Men, be wary of women who seem too financially needy. If they ask for money, in any of a dozen ways women can ask for money, cut the relationship off immediately. They are not looking for love or even friendship….they are looking for financial help.
If a woman gives you a contact number but you cannot ever reach her at that number, beware. If you always have to page them or text them and have them call you back, this could be a sign that what they are telling you is not the complete truth.
A need to get married and insecurity are other signs men should be very wary of. If the woman is pushing too hard for a commitment you aren’t ready to make, it might be a good time to head for the nearest exit.
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Online dating is not a competition between competing males for the attention of a female. Grow up. Change your mind set from “winning” to “searching”. This isn’t high school. You are all grown up and have been for quite some time, now. Your attitude is the most important asset you have. You should like yourself and not concentrate of all of the things that aren’t YOUR idea of the perfect guy…the one the all women want.
What is that women want, you ask? That’s the age old question. Being of the female persuasion myself, I can tell you a few things women want and don’t want.
Women want a man to be confident…NOT an arrogant jerk. There’s a big difference. You need to like yourself and not be self depreciating but you don’t need to come across like you believe that you are a gift to them from God and have just fallen from the sky. They don’t want you to think that THEY just fell from heaven and are some kind of perfect being, either. They can’t live up to that expectation.
Women want a communicator. The “strong silent type” really isn’t appealing at all. They think you probably don’t have an original thought in your head and you probably haven’t heard a word they said, either or that you just don’t care what they said or didn’t even hear what they said. They want you to be interesting enough to want to know more about you and they want you to think that they are interesting enough to ask intelligent questions about what is important to them, too.
Women do NOT want to be a prize to be won. They don’t want to be a trophy. They want to be the ONE woman that you want to be with.
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No matter what your age, height, weight or physical appearance, there are thousands of women out there eager to meet you and eager for your company…whether short-term or long-term relationships are what you want. If you have found yourself suddenly “on-the-market” again after a relationship has dissolved or are just too busy with your work to spend a lot of time looking for a lady to keep you company, online dating can open the door to the dating scene for you.
The good news is that all you need is a computer and an internet connection to get started. The first thing to do is find an online dating site that fits your needs. There are the large sites that offer many extras like live video chat and even match you up with ladies using your profiles and, also, a lot of sites that cater to special interests like religious preferences, outdoor enthusiasts, gays, etc. You need to choose one or two that will meet your needs. I don’t recommend the free sites. The paid sites have a money back guarantee if you aren’t satisfied and the investment is small. A whole month costs less than one dinner and movie date.
The next thing you need to do is write a killer, but honest, profile and upload a recent but flattering picture of yourself. Now you are all set. Start contacting ladies whose profiles sound interesting to you and answer any lady who contacts you…and do so promptly…not, however, on holidays or weekends. You don’t want to appear that desperate. Don’t give up after a month and think you will never find the right lady for you. New people join online dating services daily and at least half of them are ladies many, of whom, will want to meet you.
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Online dating is nothing but finding a date using a website. It can be used by both men and women to find a date. They can do so by browsing a site, and finding profiles that interest them. Some websites allow free browsing while others charge a small fee to allow users to access their databanks.
However, the basic model of an online dating site is the same. A user is required to enter his/her profile. This is then stored in the site’s server, and can be accessed by any authorized site user. All dating sites run a powerful search program that can match profiles on the basis of age, gender, community, interests etc.
The pricing strategy varies from site to site. Some sites provide unpaid users access to a few profiles; others insist on payment. The payment also has several layers. The maximum access is provided to those users who pay the highest rates.
Most paid sites are very particular about privacy. They route the contact mails through their mail server so that neither party will ever see the actual mail address of the other. Some advise opening a free e-mail account for online dating. This does not happen in the case of free websites. Your personal information is visible to everyone.
Another important thing about paid sites is that they allow people to post or browse profiles only after paying the subscription fee. Also, only members can contact the site users. Besides this, a paid membership also entitles members to a higher ranking in search results.
All sites advise you to avoid mentioning personal information like your full name, address, phone number, place of employment, social security number etc. This is sound advice, and must be followed in full. There is no point in exposing yourself to cyber stalkers.
However, there is no harm in entering your interests in full. It also makes sense to post a good photograph on the site. Profiles with photographs get better responses than profiles without photographs.
Your first communication should be through mail. The second step should be to establish voice communication. This should be done once you develop a liking for your online friend. Here too you should not give your landline number. The best is to use your mobile, which does not reveal your home address. The final step should be to invite your online friend to a date.
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If you want to look for romance on the Internet, spend some time learning the secrets of online dating. They will pay you handsome dividends. To start with, keep the following tips in mind:
1. Upload a good photograph of yourself. Select a pleasing photo that is sharp and has not been taken from too far. Use a realistic photo, not one that has been glamorized to make you look better than you are.
2. Spend time writing a good profile, which will show people that you are really interested in finding an online date. If you are serious about online dating success, let it show in your profile.
3. It pays to be truthful right from the beginning. If you write things about yourself that are not true, people will eventually find out about it. Remember that you want people to love the real you.
4. Before you decide to meet your online date personally, talk to him or her on the phone a few times. Talking on the phone may make you change your opinion about meeting the person.
5. Try to find people who are looking for the same type of relationship as you are. If you are looking for a life partner, don’t contact people who are on the look out for a casual relationship.
It can be exhilarating to meet new people online, who seem to be very attractive. Don’t let the excitement get the better of your judgment, but be cautious for the sake of your own safety. Watch out for certain signs that may warn you about the nature of your online date:
If the person does not respond to your e-mails or call you back quickly it may be a sign of a lack of dependability.
If a person is reluctant to give clear cut answers it may mean that he or she has something to hide.
If your online date is reluctant to exchange photographs, it may be an indication that he or she is concealing something.
An online friend who displays a lot of emotion and wants to meet you personally, right away, also needs cautious handling. It may be better to discontinue the relationship.
Be cautious about revealing personal information like your address and phone number, until you are more confident about your relationship. When you progress to the stage of talking on the phone, listen carefully to the person’s communication skills and his or her tone of voice.
Make sure that the person has answered all your questions. If something about the other person troubles you, ask for clarifications. Always meet your date in a public place.
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There are over a 100 million singles out there, waiting to find the right soul mate. All that you need to do is to log on, enter your profile and make the right pitch. It wouldn’t be long before you get an answer.
If you are not happy with one online dating service you can join another. There are scores of them populating the net. Here’s a list of some of the more popular online dating services:
Some of the other dating websites you may like to visit are Love Access, Web Date, CoupleMe, Plenty of Fish, AppleMates Personals, Jumpdates.com, DateMatch.com, MatchDoctor.com, RatePeople.com, etc.
The online world is no different than the physical world. It is populated by people who are fun to know; it is also full of vain and pompous people who are best avoided. The difficulty is how to weed out the grain from the riff raff. Here are three online personalities who must be kept at a distance, both online and offline.
The first type is the mama’s boy. You may not be able to recognize him until you meet him. But when you do meet him you will be aghast. Your date will be more concerned about his parents than about you. The parents will be equally concerned about their little one, and will call up several times to find out how the evening is progressing. You will never be able to live up to his parent’s expectations. If you have an argument with your date, the parents will be involved in it and they will never support you.
The second type of person is obsessed with his/her appearance, and is easy to detect. You can recognize this person from the photographs. If it is a man the photographs will show more muscles than the face. If it’s a woman, the photographs will show more curves than needed.
Such persons will focus only on your physical appearance. If you are not in good shape or if you are not very athletic, you will keep hearing about it. You will be valued for your physical appearance and your date may talk about your vital statistics, as if you are some type of a physical asset.
The third type of online personality is not easy to identify on a dating website. He is a smooth talker who is an expert in online dating. He will try hard to sell himself to you and he may not give you much time to talk about yourself. He will flirt with you and with every other good-looking person. His phone too will keep ringing all evening.
He may not remember any of the details you told him about yourself on the dating site. If you are looking for some excitement and are prepared to take a risk, you can surely go out with a person like this. Remember that this person will not be ready for a long-term commitment to anyone or anything.
The number and quality of responses you get from an online dating website depends largely on your profile. A good profile may help you find the romance you’ve been searching for, all your life; an average one may make most users move on.
The most effective way to be noticed is through the good, old photograph. A good, sharp photograph, which shows you doing something different, will make you stand out. You don’t have to use glamour shots or your old high school photographs. Instead, use pictures that show you as you look.
You are also likely to be noticed if you have a good opening line. The best way to decide your opening line is to scan the profiles of others. See what attracts you most, and then build an opening line. While going through the profiles see what points interest you. Include them in your profile.
Be careful about your language, spellings and punctuation. There’s nothing more irritating than to skim through a profile where every second word is spelt wrongly. Who would want to date a person who can’t even spell his name correctly?
It pays to take some time to enter your profile. A good idea is to write your profile on a sheet of paper, and sleep over it for a week. You would want to write it again when you read it after a week. This is not surprising. The best profiles are those where the user has applied his or her mind. Do the revisions, and then host the profile.
Also, make sure that you answer all the queries. Don’t answer in monosyllables. Spend some time to answer each question. Think of your strong points. Lace them with humor, and host them. Don’t try to run your self down. Just be normal.
Remember, you have very little words to catch the attention of your online mate. Make each one count.